seriously, fuck it.

seriously right,
life sucks.
life sucks because school sucks.
seriously luh.
Monday,
the first lesson,
the damn lecturer was being so fucked up.
i mean,
i agree that our work isn't as great as the other groups lah.
so?
you can't just simply pick on us and vent your anger k.
this stupid lecturer made it sound like we totally didn't put in ANY effort to do the damn thing.
oh please.
if we didn't,
we wouldn't even be able to stand in front of the class to present okay.
god damn it,
we even wore nicer clothes because of the presentation!
(i mean, partly because it's runway day for us)
BUT STILL,
we bothered to dress up.
so what if we're reading from the slides?
i DID elaborate on my parts okay.
i gave examples and explained.
i don't see why she has the reason to say such things about us.
just bloody say so if you don't like us.
just SAY IT.
and what?
we put you off because we're the first group to present and we're late?
for god's sake.
we have lots of classmates who came even later than us.
and obviously you wouldn't want us to start without the others in the class right?
please.
it's a monday,
there is bound to be traffic jams okay.
you're blaming us for what others did?
fuck off seriously.
to us, you said:
"so what if you show me statistics?"


to the others who did not put statistics, you said:
"it would be good if you include statistics"


see the fucking difference?
damn it.
AND,
you people as lecturers,
taught us not to humiliate children if they did something wrong.
and never ever scold them in front of their peers.
then what the hell were you doing?
you made us stand there in front of the class for 10 fucking minutes just to pick on our faults?
do you think you really deserve to be a lecturer?
you are not even practicing what you preach.
what is this mann?

WHY?
because they fucking think that we don't give a damn about school.
it's not that.
it's just that we don't put in the EXTRA effort that others did.
we're just being NORMAL.
not EXTRAORDINARY.
get it?
and what's wrong with that?
we're not fighting for the places in the director's list you know.
we don't wanna possess any source of threat to the others.
shouldn't you lecturers be happy about not having extra work to do?
seriously just fuck off.
my hatred for school is escalating.
no wait,
it's sky high already!
ARGH.
-
-
-
-
on a happier note,
i sort of completed my picture book.
another assignment down.
-
-
-
gave school a miss today.
wasn't feeling too well.
went to swim in the evening and baby met me at the entrance of the swimming complex.
had dinner,
he was feeling fucked up too.
sweetheart,
cheer up.

picture taken 2 nights ago.
he claimed that he wanted to kiss me.
but it's not true.
he just doesn't want to take a picture.
):

-
-
-
-

runway day,
xinyi and i.
we wore this for presentation.
please bear with my messy post.
the whole sequence is wrong and i seriously can't be bothered to do anything about it.
-
-
-
OH NO.
i'm going insane.
how i wish i have a drumset with me.
i will whack with all my might and make a din.
-
-
-
and omg,
my guitar string snapped.
ARGH.
cousin,
please fix it for me!
-
-
-
i feel like practising beethoven's pathetique sonata now.
i want my arm to ache so badly that i will stop due to exhaustion.
i feel like banging my piano now.
-
-
-
i feel like drinking to get drunk.
i feel like smoking to calm down
i feel like clubbing to get high.
-
-
-
but all of the above,
can't be done NOW.
oh my,
life sucks.
-
-
-
attachment tmr.
i hope my voice is so hoarse that i can't talk to the kids.
which means that i don't have to entertain them.
and it means that i do not have to implement my lesson.
thumbs up for that thought!
-
-
-
okay.
i need to go back to my assignments now.
enough of ranting for the moment.
i hope i have better things to blog about tmr!

borrow, return, take double.

this is going to be an unpleasant post.
-
-
-
seriously wtf la.
you as an adult,
you should know your bloody responsibilities.
it's alright if you don't contribute.
just don't be such a scumbag.
i've said it before,
i love you,
but i don't bloody respect you.
your presence caused us heaps of inconvenience.
but we can't do anything about it.
i don't hate you.
i can't do it.
so stop taking advantage of that fact to get your way around.
i can't be like tingy.
i can't do what she did.
never before in my life have i seen her behaving the way she did today.
don't you think it's a cause for concern?
the way she ignored you,
the face she displayed throughout.
doesn't it ring a bell?
shouldn't you just start reflecting on what you're doing?
why is your skin so thick?
and why can't i inherite your genes of being thick skinned?
so that i can counter your thick skin-ness.
why oh why must i have mum's genes of being soft hearted?
why, damn it.
why?
i can't even eat a damn meal in peace.
imagine that.
tingy and i can't even go down to coffeeshop and eat together.
imagine that.
seriously what kind of nonsense is this.
mummy is no longer your wife.
you shouldn't even be staying with us.
i hate it when people come and tell me how bloody fortunate i am to be staying with my parents.
fuck off okay.
it's totally not that way.
you people just don't understand.
so stop pretending and acting like you do.
and stop saying that we, as children, should not be affected over adult's problems.
just shut the fuck up.
so what if you're my auntys or uncles and you're trying to be encouraging?
fuck off.
you're totally not helping at all.
you don't even know what's happening.
you don't even know what's that pest doing to tingy and i.
even my mum doesn't know.
so seriously,
keep your comments to yourself.
because you only make me so horribly mad that i wanna rip your skin off your face.
it's really a disgrace to even talk about this.
i find it hard to even confide in my closest friends.
it's too embarrassing to even tell anyone about it in detail.
bottling this up is killing me.
i really feel miserable.
to think that i have to learn how to handle different kinds of family situations on my own.
screw it.
i can't even help myself.
the school should teach us how to help ourselves first.
or perhaps,
to qualify as an early childhood educator,
you need to have a good family background.
it's true.
otherwise kids will just suffer.
i wanted to talk to someone so badly just now.
but now,
i don't even feel like talking to anyone.
because,
nobody is ever going to understand.
friends around can only encourage.
they can only give advice.
but in the end,
it's not easy to even carry out the advices.
i hope tingy is awake now.
because if she is,
she'll be the best person to console me now.
i doubt she'll even cry with me.
today's incident made me realise that she's no longer that small little sister i always thought she was.
i'm wrong.
she's all grown up now.
she's even tougher than me in terms of emotions.
to all who even bother to read this,
please, for goodness sake.
don't jump into conclusions.
don't give any redundant comments either.
and most importantly,
don't even try to act like you understand and know what's happening when you don't.

fellow ostriches

Gosh
my dad nearly threw this drawing away.
tsk.

-
-
-
and so,
the weekends are FINALLY here.
thank goodness work's out for me this weekend.
have lots of school work to catch up!
i shall start on the animal picture book later.
i shall,
i must,
and i will.
-
-
school has been so much better with these girls.
which also means,
my fellow ostriches.

emm, me, xinyi, cs
-
-
-
they are friends who really made school a whole lot better for me.
(:
we're gonna wear the clothes that we bought online on monday!
AND,
there will be no more tutorials on friday.
which means,
no more classes for me on thurs and fri!
hahahahahahaha.
-
-
-
really looking forward for the holidays.
1. pending genting trip with CS and emm and hopefully xinyi.
2. butter factory with CS
3. powerhouse with laopo.
4. dee promised to club with me.
5.club with coussie charmaine.
6. work with tanjinmay, hopefully. :D
7. meet up with adeline neo!
8. bring adeline neo to club after 29th march.
9. KE outing/ chalet.
10.hunt for a cake for beryl low wei ting.
11. wild wild wet weekly routine with dee?
12. miss u cafe for post-valentines celebration!
13. meet up with sec school friends before vernon and ivan goes botak!
14. stayovers again?
15. and the list goes on.
-
-
-
oh yes.
coussie and i are up to something exciting tomorrow.
can't wait can't wait!
:D
will blog about it if it's successful.
-
-
-
and,
today is the 23rd.
which means,
it's our 51th month anniversary.
which also means 4 years and 3 months.
yes cousin,
don't get a shock.
it's true.
:D

and anyway,
we were listening to bad romance by lady gaga.
because i'm obsessed with that song.
and,
i forced him to listen to it with me.
and he finally got so extremely irritated,
he switched it to the radio.
and guess what song came out?
BAD ROMANCE.
:D
-
-
-
i'm in an extremely positive mood today.
lalala~

tags

i realised that i have a very bad habit of forgetting to reply tags.
tingy: love you la okay!

tiffany : you're the best laopo ever. (:

jin may : okay! meet up soon please! ):

xueryl : yup!

fang : http://myrunwaylabel.livejournal.com/10287.html#cutid1
this is the blogshop. quite dumb.
because if you buy one piece, it's around 20 bucks.
if you buy 5,
it's 10 bucks each.
so may as well buy 5 right? (:

aloy: different what. you super zai. that's why got aura!
i don't have any rights to have 'aura' la please! :D

another week

projects and assignments are such a handful.
this is what i've done for PEC's brochure.
heh.

combined tux paint, with paint, and photoshop.
took me an hour.
but,
i like it.
:D
-
-
-
and so,
i had work on sunday.
did opening at iluma.
oh yes.
there's this flavour,
called kahlua.
it's coffee liquor actually.
and when i tried it,
i swear,
i was in agony.
it tastes like,
okay.
nevermind.
i shall not describe.
but as far as i know,
nobody in berrylite likes it.
hahaha.
some of the customers requested to try it.
and they will display their oh-so-classic-face.
and we have to suppress our laughter when we look at their faces.
and anyway,
i met an extremely fucked up customer.
she bought a few cups of yogurt and only one of it has topping.
so we only gave her one stamp for the card.
and then she come and make noise and say that it's ridiculous and blah blah blah.
and she THREW THE CARD BACK AT ME.
i was stunned can.
felt like throwing it back to her.
-.-
-
-
-
-
Monday
school as usual.
lessons as usual.
the highlight of the day was when we shopped online.
initially,
CS and i wanted to get 5 tops/dresses so that it's cheaper.
and then,
she realised that if you purchase 10 tops/dresses,
there will be free registered mail.
so we tried to psycho xinyi and emm to get another 5 tops.
heh.
so all in all,
xinyi bought 4,
cs bought 3,
i bought 2,
and emm bought 1.
total : 10
means,
free registered mail.
heh.
KE as usual.
frozen yogurt with laopo and fryderyk at tamp one.
homed after that.
-
-
-
Tuesday
school as usual,
lessons as usual,
waste time in class playing games as usual,
finished up brochure during break.
homed after that.
-
-
-
Wednesday
had attachment,
reached the centre at 9.30am.
super late i know.
baby accompanied me for lunch after that.
went home to change,
he sent me to the MRT station to take train to school.
IT lesson,
late for lesson.
but who cares.
KE after that.
dinner with winson and laopo.
winson was such a gentleman.
took the last 151,
and changed to the last bus 5,
and changed to the last 21 home.
-
-
-
Today.
baby dee woke me up as usual.
he went off to school after that.
i was craving for mac spicy.
went out to buy.
couldn't finish it as it was too spicy for me.
now,
my throat hurts even more than it initially was.
EA essay to be completed.
argh.
hate school.
):
and CS told us that our clothes that we ordered on monday has arrived.
yayness.
:D

laopo (:

i'm currently rotting away in IT class doing adobe flash.
it's damn boring,
partly because i've got no idea how to do the exercises.
and dear laopo bought chocolate oreo and delivered it to class for me.
LOVE LAOPO MANY MANY.
<3>

moody monday

i'm feeling really really down now.
like extremely down.
sometimes life just gets too exhausting.
every single moment of the day drags on.
and to top it off,
it's only the start of the week.
school is hectic.
cca is a bother.
family is a wreckage.
though certain parts of my day is brightened up,
life still sucks.
-
-
-
and,
i've just experienced the true meaning of somebody being a two headed snake.
she appears to be all nice and sweet.
but in actual fact,
she scares me quite a bit.
she scolded someone,
for an issue related to me,
and immediately after scolding that person,
she replied my sms in a happy tone.
tsk.
scary isn't it?
it's instant,
i swear.
-
-
-
and,
i'm really shocked to know that my club members are terrified of me.
really appalled when i heard about it.
i don't see what's so scary about me.
i often go hopping and jumping and singing around like some mad women.
no doubt,
when it comes to serious business,
i do make sure i get things done the way it's suppose to be.
but to hear of people being really terrified of me,
i didn't see it coming my way.
someone told me that i have an aura around me in KE.
and that makes my members shield themselves from me in defence.
i mean,
like duh?
i'm the president.
if i don't do it,
who will?
-
-
-
i've never wanted to be the president.
all i wanted,
is to be a member,
and to fulfil my duties within the club.
i didn't ask for the post.
i had to take it,
without a choice.
did i change because of that?
i'm definitely not aware of it.
i felt so lousy.
really really lousy.
-
-
-
i told baby dee that i'm feeling down.
he waited for me at the void deck of my house after his dinner.
and i told him what's bothering me.
he assured me that everything's okay.
laopo told me that too.
and i can,
only wish for the better.

sheer stupidity

tags replied
Germaine: yayness. luckily not working with her this week!
tingy : hi piggy. i'm tearing down your super junior posters. soon.
xinyi : yes yes. we are normal. (:
crystal : oh sweetheart, this sucks. ):

to passerby.
hmm. there is only one word to describe your tag. and the word is, weird.
because, if i wanted to express my hatred for a particular person,
badmouthing that person on her friend's blog is definitely not a thing i would do.
so,
as you can see, so what if cheryl and i are not close anymore?
in any case, it is none of your business.
even if she has offended you in any way, there is nothing you can do about it.
you can't go up to her and say nasty things right? i doubt you have the guts to do so.
i reckon you're trying to make her friends dislike her by tagging?
you can try to psycho others, but attempting to do so on my tagboard is really not intelligent.
nevertheless, thanks for the compliment. (:
i know how to handle my friendships, and i don't think i need your advice or guidance.
thank you very much.
-
-
-
-
and so,
ever since school started,
it sucked.
every single day is spent doing assignments and projects.
let me show you one of my achievements.
for CHN project,
we had to do a board game.
i was in charge of doing the board.
so first,
i drew tiny little pictures.
and coloured them.
and outlined the edges in black.

and then,
i drew the background of the board.
not easy okay.
i had suicidal thoughts while completing it.

and tadah.
colour like mad okay.
and then,
the last step,
paste them on!

and this is,
the board of the board game.
done by yours truly.
-
-
-
-
Monday
lessons as per normal.
canteen 2 for lunch with cherng shing, emm and xinyi.
takeaway chicken rice and ate near the pool.
lecture,
ec tutorial,
and then KE.
dinner at Mos with laopo.
mos is my current addiction.
yum.
-
-
Tuesday
CHN presentation.
wore skirt to school for the first time i think?
mac with xinyi.
on the verge of going mad while walking back to school.
haha.
went to granny's place after class.
she cooked yummy food for me.
(:
missed coussie so much.
so glad to be able to meet her.
(:
bused and baby dee cycled me home.
hehe.
-
-
-
Wednesday
attachment, as usual.
was half an hour late,
but who gives a shit.
kids were having spilt personality again.
sweethearts a moment and devils another.
was so unwilling to go for IT after attachment.
but still,
i dragged myself to school.
had strawberry yogurt in class while having lesson.
a big mistake because it was freezing cold in the classroom.
KE after class.
train homed with laopo.
and something extremely awkward happened.
i saw my sec school band junior on the train (he used to like me),
he was nice enough to come over and say hi.
laopo alighted at redhill.
when she alighted,
his friends joined us.
so it was quite awkward throughout the whole journey.
especially when the topic of him giving me roses and a card on valentines came up.
so it was awkward to the max.
and the conversation grew weirder,
( from redhill to tampines is quite a journey)
and he alighted with his friend at bedok.
and then,
the stupid me,
wanted to msg laopo that he has alighted because the situation was so awkward.
and i really hate awkward situations.
and then,
i sent that message to him without even knowing it.
the message went like this :
'omg. he just alighted. awkward to the maximum. phew'
-
-
and he replied :
'yea, even more awkward now because you sent wrongly.'
-
-
i stared at my phone for 10 seconds.
-
-
if this is not stupid,
i don't know what is.
and i feel terribly guilty.
i don't mean that our 'chance meeting' was bad.
i felt relieved because i dislike awkward situations.
i seriously feel so bad.
i hope he didn't interprete that msg as something which is worse than what it sounds like.
ugh.
just kill me.
dear _ _ _,
please forgive me and my stupidity.
didn't mean to hurt you in any way!
homed,
and i was so tired due to the extreme lack of sleep.
-
-
-
Today.
was sleeping so soundly that i didn't even know baby dee was within my home premises.
was sleeping so soundly that i didn't even know he came into my room and used the toilet.
i only woke up when he tapped me (i think),
and my eyes sprang open because i didn't know if i was sleeping unglamly!
and that was around 9am in the morning.
he left for school at 10.30.
so nice of him to come over right. (:
and then i went back to sleep.
cherng shing's msg woke me up at 11.47.
i was suppose to meet them at 1pm,
somerset mrt station.
jumped up and prepared.
trained,
and i was around 10 minutes late.
but i was the earliest there.
tsk.
girls,
and what's with the person who is late has to treat us lunch?
walked around with CS while waiting for xinyi.
xinyi arrived at 2 plus.
well done xinyi,
still can tell me you sleep until so shiok!
HAHA
CS brought us to this wanton mee shop.
super yummy.
had our lunch,
and we finally settled down at starbucks around 2.45pm.
started EC and SF essay from scratch.
completed both in 3 and a half hours time.
all of us were extremely impressed with ourselves.
and so,
two huge boulders off our shoulders.
happy.
-
-
and now,
it's sleeping time.
goodnight everyone.
-
-
-
emm, i hope you're okay. (:

just realised.

i'm feeling like some emo shit now.

1. school is starting in two days time and i am willing to trade anything to change that fact.

2. i have heaps of assignments and projects that i have yet to complete.

3. there is nothing for me to look forward to in school.

4. i have yet to find a succesor to take over my presidential post in KE.

and that sucks

5. i can't stand getting irritated everyday and every moment.

6. i don't like it when i don't have close girlfriends in class.

7. i don't want to feel like a pathetic loner trapped in a bubble in school.

8. i don't want to feel like i'm in my own world.

9. i don't want to wake up early and queue up for the shuttle bus to school.

10. i don't fancy going home with the working crowd during peek hours.

11. i absolutely abhore getting onto bus 5 when it's full of foreign workers.

i don't mean to be a fucking racist,

but these group of people are just too disgusting to even be within one metre of contact.

12. i find that school is a complete toad and it's a total waste of time.

13. i don't wish to have a secured nanny diploma.

14. i dislike feeling helpless without any source of comfort anywhere in school.

15. i hate knowing that my baby dee is far away in the east while i'm in the west.

16. i hate to eat lunch in school because makan place will be fucking crowded and by the time we find a seat, and buy our food, lesson starts.

17. i hate presenting group projects because i find it absolutely meaningless.

18. i hate thinking of clothes to wear to school.

19. i detest trying to remember what i've wore a few days before in order not to repeat the same clothes in a week.

20. and the list goes on until the cows come home.

-

-

-

-

and,

i have just came to realise that,

i am pathetic.

while others have groups and cliques of girlfriends,

i have none.

while others have girlfriends that take stupid pictures and bake inedible cakes,

i have none.

while others have girlfriends who they can really trust,

i have none.

basically,

my life revolves around my boyfriend,

it revolves around my obsession with beethoven sonatas,

it revolves around my family,

and probably revolves around work.

besides that,

nothing much.

-

-

-

-

to end,

i miss Charmaine Low Pei Jun.

i miss stayovers and late night junks from 7eleven.

miss squeezing in the top of the double decker bed.

i miss Adeline Neo.

miss gossiping at places.

miss ranting and heartfelt talks.

right from the moment we first met,

i knew that she will be someone special to me.

and she is.

and that's about it.

Good to be Eighteen

tags replied:

Ghost: don't emo leh! ):

Tiffany: love you too laopo. (:

Charmaine: i miss you too coussie. stayover when when. ):

Germaine: i'm not a stalker okay! hahaha. :P

Crystal: hehe. hope to see you soon. (:

JM: tan jinmay! laugh what laugh? love you lah. (:

Allie: hello dear allie! (:

-

-

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wednesday.

had attachment as usual.

the kids were adorable yet annoying.

baby dee came to pick me up at the centre.

so sweet when he claim that he's not coming.

had vermicelli for lunch.

yum.

dee left while tingy came,

had popeyes.

supper fattening can.

went off to school for KE.

after KE,

laopo and i had ramen,

and then we went off to powerhouse.

laopo's first time clubbing.

i brought her there.

it was just the two of us.

hehehe.

and so,

we made our way to vivo.

and then to powerhouse.

it was ladies night.

i ordered a jug of whiskey and cola for us.

while waiting for our order,

this guy came and talk to us as his friends went to the toilet.

and when his friends came back,

one of his girl friends is laopo's sec schoolmate.

such a small world.

shared drinks,

and i wasn't high at all after drinking. ):

no fun.

anyway,

made our way down to the dancefloor.

laopo's friend pulled us up the stage.

music was good,

crowd was good.

this guy who is alot shorter than me came to dance with me.

totally put off can.

-.-

went back to drink,

and we fought for our lives to make it to the toilet.

it's really very crowded.

back,

and continue dancing.

left the club around 3 plus.

supper at boat quay with laopo and 2 other girls,

went to a pub,

and stoned there till morning.

all in all,
i had fun.
hope laopo enjoyed.
(:
-
-
-
cabbed to laopo's place at 6am.
bathed and slept.
we were so tired.
laopo's dog,
stephi,
came and slept on top of my leg.
it was so ticklish and i couldn't move.

laopo says that stephi don't usually allow strangers to touch her.

but she actually slept with me.

hehe
woke up after 2 hours,
i was in zombie mode can.
-.-
cabbed to school,
and the both of us had to move the keyboard, keyboard stand,
and many other heavy things down to the atrium.
it's extremely far,
and extremely heavy.
we seriously couldn't manage.
then,
this group of cleaners saw us,
and this handicapped cleaner came and help us.
he simply walked over and lifted the keyboard.
feeling so helpless the whole morning,
i felt so touched at that moment that i nearly cried.
made our way to the atrium,
and then set the booth up.
performance,
and then we left early.
i was so tired that i slept when i reached home.
woke up for dinner,
tv,
and then continue sleeping.
today,
woke up in the afternoon..
felt like crap.
wasted the day at home doing e-learing assignments.
school sucks.
baby bought bubble tea for me when i was craving for it.
and he came over to give it to me despite the rain.
so sweet.
(:
oh well.
work tomorrow at parkway. ):
sigh.
i prefer working at iluma. ):
9.30am to 7pm.
omg.
i hope i survive the day.
goodnight everyone,
chn project,
here i come. ):

common enemy.

okay.

ever since dee came back from his trip,

i've magically stopped blogging!

:D

my dearest laopo bought me the DKNY perfume that i really really wanted,

but i couldn't bear to buy it for myself.

she's such a sweetheart!

thanks laopo!

love you many many!

<3

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time is mostly spent on working.

hehe.

looking forward to my next pay!

gossping is the best way to kill time during work.

since there's a common topic to gossip about now.

i've never felt so irritated with someone before.

she made me reflect on myself,

and think if i'm as irritating as her.

tsk.

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and anyway,

i had the most awesome night last night!

stayover at Jia min's house with Jinmay, Ellene, and Jiamin.

it was absolutely girlish.

shall post pictures when i get it from tan jinmay!

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yesterday made me reflect alot.

i realised that i lost all my close girlfriends.

maybe it's time to get them back.